Recently I Wasn’t Okay. R U OK?

How Connection and Vulnerability can help with Mental Health and Well-Being

Are you okay? Today is R U OK day. A few weeks ago, I was not okay. I was really, truly and utterly struggling. My mother had passed away from cancer, and seeing her struggling was heartbreaking. I moved house for the 20th millionth time 2 weeks later and slipped in the move and cracked my ribs. Then, I had to be the strong and stoic one in the family, having to support and care for my incredibly depressed father. Yep, August was a month to forget and a time to reach out for help and self-care. I asked for help, and my community surrounded me. It took courage to be vulnerable and ask for help. It helped me immensely as I didn’t feel alone.

It is powerful to recognise how connection and vulnerability can help you during this time. Opening up and allowing yourself to be seen, even when things are tough, can create meaningful bonds and bring support when needed.

Sharing our struggles with others often lightens the emotional load and reminds us that we’re not alone. It takes courage to be vulnerable; by doing so, you help yourself and permit others to be open about their experiences.

Connection and vulnerability play a significant role in supporting mental health, as they address fundamental human needs for belonging and understanding.

Here’s how they can help:

1. Reducing Feelings of Isolation: Connection helps combat the loneliness that often accompanies mental health struggles. By reaching out and sharing with others, we remind ourselves that we’re not alone in our experiences.
2. Building Emotional Support: Vulnerability allows others to see our true selves, including our struggles. When we’re open, others are invited to offer support, encouragement, and understanding, which can provide comfort and strength.
3. Creating Authentic Relationships: Genuine connections built on vulnerability foster deeper relationships. These connections create a sense of security and trust, where people feel safe to express their true feelings without fear of judgment.
4. Encouraging Open Dialogue: We encourage others to be open when we’re vulnerable. This mutual sharing can lead to meaningful conversations about mental health, breaking down stigmas and promoting a culture where it’s okay to talk about not being okay.
5. Providing Different Perspectives: Sharing our struggles with others can offer new insights or perspectives that we might not see on our own. This external viewpoint can help us reframe our challenges and consider different coping strategies.
6. Releasing Emotional Burdens: Vulnerability can be cathartic. Simply expressing feelings and sharing them with someone who listens can relieve some of the emotional weight we carry.
7. Enhancing Resilience: Through connection, we can draw on the collective strength of our relationships. Knowing we have a support system can bolster our resilience, helping us face challenges more confidently.
8. Fostering Self-Acceptance: When we’re vulnerable and still accepted by others, it reinforces the idea that we don’t have to be perfect to be loved. This can improve our self-acceptance and self-worth, which are vital for mental health.
9. Encouraging Help-Seeking: Vulnerability can make it easier to seek professional help when needed. When we’re used to being open about our feelings, it can feel more natural to extend that openness to mental health professionals.

If you find that connection and vulnerability are helping you, it’s a testament to your courage and the power of human connection. If there are specific ways you’d like to deepen these practices or explore them further, I’m here to support you.

What can you do if you are not okay?

If you’re not feeling okay, it’s important to acknowledge your feelings and take steps to help you cope and heal. Here are some suggestions:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay not to be okay. Permit yourself to feel whatever you’re experiencing without judgment.
2. Reach Out for Support: Talk to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or therapist. Sharing your feelings can be a great relief and help you feel less alone.
3. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself during this time. Remember that it’s okay to struggle and that you deserve care and understanding, just as you would offer to a friend.
4. Take Care of Your Basic Needs: Eat well, stay hydrated, get enough sleep, and move your body in ways that feel good. These basics can significantly impact your mood and overall well-being.
5. Limit Stress and Overwhelm: Reduce your workload or take a break from stressful activities. Give yourself space to rest and recover.
6. Engage in Calming Activities: Try activities that soothe you, such as reading, listening to music, meditating, journaling, or spending time in nature. I have started painting. Would you love to see some of them? See below!
7. Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling to cope or your feelings are overwhelming, consider seeking guidance and support from a mental health professional.
8. Connect with Your Values: Sometimes, reconnecting with what matters most to you—like your guiding principles or what gives your life meaning—can provide comfort and direction.
9. Practice Mindfulness and Stillness: Taking time for quiet reflection, meditation, or simply being still can help you tune into your inner state and find a sense of calm.
10. Be Patient with Yourself: Healing and feeling better can take time. Be gentle during this process, and remember that taking things one step at a time is okay.

Remember not to numb feelings. It is okay to feel sad, angry, and frustrated, but it is also okay to feel happiness, joy, and contentment.

R U OK?

R U OK? Day is an Australian initiative held annually on the second Thursday of September. It encourages people to check in with others and have meaningful conversations about mental health. It’s a reminder to reach out to those around us, whether friends, family, or colleagues, and ask, “Are you okay?” with genuine care and the intent to listen.

The Four Steps of R U OK? Day:

1. Ask: Start the conversation by asking, “Are you OK?” Show genuine concern and let the person know you’re there for them.
2. Listen: Be present, listen with an open mind, and don’t interrupt. Show that you care and that their feelings are valid.
3. Encourage Action: If they’re struggling, encourage them to seek support, whether it’s talking to someone else they trust, seeing a professional, or taking small actions to improve their situation.
4. Check-In: Follow up after your initial conversation. This shows ongoing support and that you truly care about their well-being.

The message of R U OK? The day is when a conversation can change a life. It promotes connection, understanding, and community support, emphasising the power of simply reaching out to ask someone if they’re okay and being prepared to listen.

Here are some ways you can integrate these principles too:

1. Model Vulnerability: By being open about your experiences and showing that it’s okay to have difficult times, you can create a safe environment where others feel comfortable sharing.
2. Create Opportunities for Conversations: Encourage open discussions about mental health and well-being, whether in one-on-one settings, team meetings, or larger groups. Regular check-ins can be a valuable tool.
3. Train Others: Equip others with the skills to ask, “Are you okay?” and support those struggling. This could involve workshops, training sessions, or simply sharing resources and tips on how to have these important conversations.
4. Integrate into Leadership Practices: Ask, “Are you okay?” as part of regular leadership check-ins. It’s not just a question for one day of the year but a continual practice of care and connection.
5. Promote Self-Compassion and Kindness: As someone who values kindness and courage, you can reinforce the importance of self-compassion as well. Encourage people to be gentle with themselves and remind them that seeking help is a courageous step.
6. Use Your Platforms: If you have a platform, use it to spread the message of R U OK? Day. Share stories, resources, and reminders about the importance of checking in with one another.
7. Lead by Example: Demonstrate the courage to ask these questions and listen deeply. Show that leadership is not just about guiding others but also about caring for their well-being.

Please reach out if we can help…or contact Lifeline, Beyond Blue and many other incredible organisations and people who love to help.

Sonia x

My recent painting…