I can’t believe I called stupid today. I have spent the last few days moving, slipped over and cracked some ribs. It has been a very tough few days! Stress. Overwhelm. Now, I live and breathe self-love and worth space, and today, I said something that I hadn’t told myself for many years. My darling daughter heard me, and she screamed, “Mum! No…you are not stupid. Please don’t speak to yourself like that.” I cried. It was tough to hear her say this.
Calling yourself “stupid” or anything negative about yourself might seem like a minor slip. Still, it matters a lot because how we speak to ourselves shapes our self-perception, mindset, and overall well-being. Here’s why it’s essential to be mindful of self-talk:
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- Self-Talk Shapes Beliefs: Our inner dialogue influences how we view ourselves. If we consistently use negative labels, we start to internalise them, which can erode self-esteem and self-worth.
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- Impacts on Mental Health: Harsh self-talk can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even depression. It’s a form of self-criticism that can make us feel inadequate and less capable.
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- Affects Performance and Resilience: Negative self-talk can undermine your confidence and hinder your ability to take on challenges. It can lead to a fear of failure and make you less likely to leave your comfort zone.
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- Influences How We Treat Ourselves: Just like we wouldn’t want someone else to call us “stupid,” treating ourselves with kindness and respect is essential. Self-compassion promotes a healthier, more supportive relationship with ourselves.
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- Language Has Power: Words carry energy, and what we repeatedly say to ourselves can either build us up or break us down. Positive and constructive self-talk can foster resilience, creativity, and a growth mindset.
Instead of calling yourself names, try to reframe your self-talk more constructively. For instance, if something doesn’t go as planned, rather than saying, “I’m stupid,” try saying, “I made a mistake, and that’s okay. I can learn from this.” This approach helps you maintain a compassionate and growth-oriented mindset aligned with your belief in the importance of kindness and courage in leadership.
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How do you talk to yourself like someone you ADORE?
Talking to yourself like someone you adore is a powerful practice that fosters self-compassion, resilience, and a positive mindset. Here are some steps and tips to help you cultivate this loving self-talk:
Identify the Voice of Someone You Adore
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- Think of someone you deeply care about or who makes you feel loved, whether a friend, family member, mentor or even a character from a book or movie. I love Maya Angelou and Rosa Parkes as my role models.
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- Consider how they would speak to you in moments of struggle or self-doubt. This can serve as a guide for how to address yourself.
Practice Self-Compassion
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- Speak to yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and patience you would offer to this person.
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- Instead of being critical, offer words of encouragement and validation. For example, replace “I can’t believe I did that” with “It’s okay; everyone makes mistakes.”
Use Affirmations and Positive Reframing
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- Incorporate affirmations that reflect how someone you adore would reassure you. Phrases like “You’re doing your best,” “You are capable and strong,” or “It’s okay to take your time” can be grounding.
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- Reframe negative thoughts by asking, “How would someone who loves me respond to this thought?”
Be Gentle and Forgiving
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- When things don’t go as planned, practice forgiveness instead of self-blame. Remind yourself that imperfections are part of being human.
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- Use gentle language, such as “This is hard, but I’ll get through it,” rather than harsh critiques.
Celebrate Small Wins
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- Acknowledge your achievements, no matter how small. Just as you would cheer on someone you adore, take the time to recognise your progress and efforts.
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- Celebrate by saying things like, “I’m proud of how I handled that,” or “I did a great job today.”
Create a Safe Space for Your Emotions
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- Allow yourself to feel emotions without judgment. If you’re feeling down, anxious, or overwhelmed, validate those feelings instead of dismissing them.
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- Speak to yourself with the understanding that you would show someone you adore, saying, “It’s okay to feel this way,” or “You’re allowed to have a tough day.”
Visualise a Supportive Companion
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- Visualise someone you adore sitting beside you, offering support and kindness. Let their imagined presence guide your self-talk.
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- Imagine what they would say in moments of doubt, and let those words guide your response to yourself.
Practice Daily Check-ins
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- Set aside time each day to check in with yourself, just as you would check in with someone you care about. Ask, “How am I feeling?” and “What do I need today?”
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- Use this time to offer comfort and encouragement, nurturing a daily habit of kind self-talk.
This approach aligns well with your belief in the importance of self-compassion over self-esteem and your focus on kindness and courage in leadership. Treating yourself with the same respect and love you would show others creates a strong foundation for personal growth and well-being.
