ADHD – The Superpower for Women (and everyone)

I have these fond memories of being a very mischievous child. I would catch buses in grade one to see where they would take me – not wise as my mother was picking me up! I would draw circles upon circles on a page in class because I was so bored until the teacher hit me (this happened 45 years ago!), and I would stick my head in fences for fun. I had the attention span of a sparrow. I would work on several things at once and not finish anything. I was hugely sensitive and beyond kind, had pocket rocket energy, and was super funny. I thought it was a personality thing or maybe even my star sign! Even the beginning of my entrepreneurial journey. I often thought something was wrong with me all the time.

It wasn’t until my daughter was diagnosed recently with ADHD that I thought I wondered if she got it from me. So, I have been researching, watching endless videos, and reading countless books and articles. Here is what I have found…

What is ADHD?

ADHD, or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by persistent patterns of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity that interfere with daily functioning or development. ADHD typically begins in childhood and can continue into adulthood. The symptoms vary widely in severity and can manifest differently depending on the individual.

Women with ADHD symptoms

ADHD in women is often underdiagnosed or misdiagnosed, as the symptoms can present differently than in men. Women with ADHD might experience a range of symptoms that can impact their daily lives in various ways. Here are some common symptoms of ADHD in women:

1. Inattention: Difficulty focusing on tasks, becoming easily distracted, trouble following through on projects, and often losing things like keys or phones.
2. Forgetfulness: Frequently forgetting appointments, deadlines, or where items are placed. This can extend to forgetting daily tasks, such as paying bills or returning calls.
3. Disorganisation: Having trouble keeping spaces tidy or managing time effectively can lead to feeling overwhelmed by tasks.
4. Impulsivity: Making decisions quickly without considering the consequences, such as impulsive spending or interrupting others during conversations.
5. Emotional Sensitivity: Feeling easily overwhelmed or sensitive to criticism and experiencing intense emotions that may be difficult to regulate.
6. Hyperactivity: This might not be the typical “bouncing off the walls” behaviour seen in children but can manifest as restlessness, difficulty sitting still, or a constant need to be busy.
7. Chronic Stress or Anxiety: Women with ADHD often feel overwhelmed by daily tasks, leading to chronic stress or anxiety. They may also feel they are underachieving despite working hard.
8. Relationship Difficulties: The symptoms of ADHD can affect personal relationships, leading to misunderstandings, arguments, or feelings of frustration for both the woman and her partner or family members.
9. Procrastination: Difficulty starting or completing tasks, often waiting until the last minute, resulting in rushed or incomplete work.
10. Low Self-Esteem: Women with ADHD might struggle with feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt, often due to a history of underperformance or criticism.
11. Difficulty with Transitions: Struggling to move from one task to another or adapting to changes in routine or environment.
12. Hyperfocus: Sometimes, women with ADHD may become intensely focused on something they’re interested in, to the exclusion of other essential tasks.

These symptoms can vary widely from person to person and may change over time, especially with hormonal shifts like menstruation, pregnancy, or menopause, which can exacerbate ADHD symptoms.

Women with ADHD – focus on Care and Compassion

Women with ADHD often face unique challenges that require both self-compassion and compassionate support from others. Here’s how care and compassion can play a crucial role in the lives of women with ADHD:

Self-Compassion

1. Understanding and Accepting ADHD: Women with ADHD can benefit greatly from understanding that their brains function differently, not worse than others. Accepting this can reduce feelings of guilt or inadequacy.
2. Embracing Imperfection: Recognizing that perfection is unattainable and that it’s okay to make mistakes can help reduce stress. Practising self-compassion means being kind to oneself, especially during setbacks.
3. Mindful Self-Care: Regular self-care routines can help manage ADHD symptoms. This could include mindfulness, exercise, healthy eating, and adequate sleep. Being kind to oneself involves prioritising these routines even when life gets busy.
4. Setting Realistic Expectations: Women with ADHD often set high expectations for themselves, leading to burnout. Compassionate self-care involves setting realistic goals and breaking tasks into manageable steps.

Compassion from Others

1. Empathy and Support: Friends, family, and partners can play a significant role by offering understanding and empathy. Listening without judgment and recognising the unique challenges ADHD presents can help women feel supported.
2. Open Communication: Clear, compassionate communication can help women with ADHD feel understood. This might involve discussing how ADHD affects their behaviour and finding ways to support them daily.
3. Helping with Organisation: Offering assistance with organizing tasks, managing schedules, or creating a clutter-free environment can be a practical way to show care. Helping to establish routines can be a compassionate gesture that eases the burden of disorganization.
4. Encouragement Without Pressure: Encouragement is vital but mustn’t come with pressure. Offering praise for efforts rather than outcomes can boost confidence and motivation without adding stress.
5. Being Patient: ADHD can sometimes lead to impulsive behaviour, forgetfulness, or difficulty managing emotions. Patience from loved ones can make a significant difference in helping women navigate these challenges.
6. Access to Resources: Compassionate support might also involve helping women access resources such as therapy, coaching, or ADHD-specific strategies and tools that can help them manage their symptoms more effectively.

Building a Compassionate Community

1. Education and Awareness: Raising awareness about how ADHD affects women differently can foster a more compassionate community. Understanding that ADHD is not a lack of effort or care but a neurological difference can reduce stigma.
2. Support Groups: Encouraging participation in support groups where women with ADHD can share experiences, challenges, and strategies can create a compassionate network of understanding and shared learning.
3. Advocacy for Accommodations: Advocating for workplace or educational accommodations that consider ADHD can help create environments where women feel supported and understood.

By nurturing self-compassion and fostering compassionate support from others, women with ADHD can better manage their symptoms and lead fulfilling lives.

How it affects us differently

ADHD often affects women differently than men due to a combination of biological, social, and cultural factors. Here’s how it manifests and impacts women uniquely:

Biological Differences

1. Hormonal Fluctuations: Women experience hormonal changes throughout their lives—during menstruation, pregnancy, and menopause—that can influence ADHD symptoms. For example – Menstruation: Estrogen levels drop, which can exacerbate ADHD symptoms like irritability, inattention, and mood swings. Pregnancy: Hormonal changes during pregnancy can either improve or worsen ADHD symptoms, depending on the individual. Menopause: The decline in estrogen during menopause often leads to a significant increase in ADHD symptoms, like memory issues and difficulty concentrating.
2. Underdiagnosis and Misdiagnosis: ADHD in women is often underdiagnosed or misdiagnosed, sometimes as anxiety or depression, because their symptoms can be more subtle or internalised compared to the hyperactivity often seen in men. Women might be more likely to exhibit inattentiveness, daydreaming, or emotional dysregulation, which can be mistaken for other conditions.

Social and Cultural Expectations

1. Gender Roles and Expectations: Societal expectations for women to be organised, nurturing, and capable of multitasking can create immense pressure on women with ADHD. They might feel they fail to meet these expectations, leading to guilt, shame, or inadequacy.
2. Masking and Coping Mechanisms: Many women with ADHD develop coping mechanisms to “mask” their symptoms, such as overcompensating by becoming overly organised or striving for perfection. This can be exhausting and lead to burnout, as they constantly push themselves to meet societal standards.
3. Relationship Dynamics: ADHD can affect women’s relationships, both romantically and within their families. They may struggle with managing household responsibilities, leading to stress and tension. In romantic relationships, they might feel misunderstood or unsupported, especially if their partner doesn’t recognise the challenges ADHD presents.

Emotional and Psychological Impact

1. Internalisation of Symptoms: Women are more likely to internalise their struggles with ADHD, leading to increased feelings of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. They might blame themselves for their difficulties, not realising that these are symptoms of ADHD.
2. Emotional Dysregulation: Women with ADHD often experience intense emotions, which can be overwhelming. They may struggle with managing feelings of frustration, anger, or sadness, which can lead to emotional outbursts or periods of emotional exhaustion.
3. Impacts on Self-Identity: The constant struggle to meet expectations and manage symptoms can affect a woman’s self-identity. They might view themselves as “failures” or feel like they’re not living up to their potential, which can negatively impact self-worth and confidence.

Impact on Daily Life

1. Career Challenges: Women with ADHD might face challenges in the workplace, such as difficulty with time management, organisation, or meeting deadlines. They might struggle with maintaining focus in meetings or juggling multiple tasks, leading to stress or job dissatisfaction.
2. Parenting Pressures: For mothers with ADHD, the demands of parenting can be overwhelming. Managing the needs of children, household tasks, and personal responsibilities can feel like an insurmountable challenge, especially without adequate support.
3. Health and Well-Being: The stress of living with untreated or undiagnosed ADHD can take a toll on a woman’s physical health, leading to issues like chronic stress, fatigue, or even conditions like fibromyalgia. Additionally, women with ADHD may be more prone to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as overeating, substance abuse, or neglecting self-care.

Positive Aspects and Strengths

It’s also important to note that women with ADHD often possess unique strengths, such as creativity, problem-solving skills, and a strong sense of empathy. Recognised and nurtured, these strengths can help women thrive in various aspects of life, from their careers to personal relationships.

Understanding these differences and their impact can help women with ADHD and those around them create a more supportive environment that recognises and addresses their unique needs.

Older Women with ADHD

For older women, ADHD can present unique challenges, especially as they navigate life stages such as menopause, retirement, or caring for aging parents. Here’s how ADHD may affect older women and some strategies for managing it:

Unique Challenges for Older Women with ADHD

1. Late Diagnosis: Many women are not diagnosed with ADHD until later in life, often after their children are diagnosed or as they encounter increasing difficulties with age-related changes. A late diagnosis can bring both relief and frustration—relief in understanding lifelong struggles but frustration over years of untreated symptoms.
2. Impact of Menopause: Hormonal changes during menopause can exacerbate ADHD symptoms. The decline in estrogen can lead to increased difficulties with memory, focus, and emotional regulation, making ADHD symptoms more pronounced.
3. Memory and Cognitive Changes: Age-related memory changes can be more challenging for women with ADHD. They may find it harder to remember appointments, names, or details, which can lead to increased anxiety and frustration.
4. Increased Responsibilities: As they age, women often take on new roles, such as caring for elderly parents or becoming grandparents. These added responsibilities can be overwhelming, especially for those who already struggle with organisation and time management due to ADHD.
5. Retirement and Routine Changes: Retirement can disrupt the routines that help manage ADHD symptoms. Without the structure of work, some women may find it difficult to maintain daily schedules, leading to feelings of aimlessness or depression.
6. Social Isolation: Older women with ADHD might struggle with maintaining social connections. The combination of ADHD symptoms and age-related factors like retirement or widowhood can lead to increased social isolation, which can negatively impact mental health.

Strategies for Managing ADHD in Older Women

1. Seek Professional Support: If ADHD is diagnosed later in life, working with a healthcare professional to develop a management plan is essential. This might include medication, therapy, or coaching tailored to older women’s challenges.
2. Establish Routines: Maintaining a consistent daily routine can help manage ADHD symptoms. This might include setting regular times for meals, exercise, sleep, and hobbies, which can provide structure and reduce feelings of chaos.
3. Use Organisational Tools: Planners, calendars, reminders, and apps can help older women stay organised. Simplifying routines and minimising clutter in their living spaces can also reduce their feeling of overwhelm.
4. Focus on Self-Care: Prioritising self-care is crucial. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, and sufficient sleep can help manage both ADHD and age-related changes. Mindfulness practices like meditation or yoga can also help improve focus and emotional regulation.
5. Stay Socially Connected: Maintaining social connections is essential for mental health. Joining groups, participating in community activities, or staying in touch with friends and family can combat isolation and provide support.
6. Address Co-Occurring Conditions: Older women with ADHD may also experience conditions like anxiety, depression, or chronic pain. Addressing these co-occurring conditions through appropriate medical and psychological interventions is essential.
7. Educate Loved Ones: Helping family members and friends understand ADHD and its impact can foster a more supportive environment. Open communication about challenges and needs can lead to more empathy and assistance from loved ones.
8. Embrace Strengths: Older women with ADHD often have unique strengths, such as creativity, resilience, and problem-solving abilities. Focusing on these strengths can boost self-esteem and provide a sense of purpose, especially later.
9. Consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT can be particularly effective for managing ADHD symptoms in older adults. It helps develop coping strategies, improve time management, and address negative thought patterns developed over the years.
10. Plan for Transitions: As life changes, such as retirement or changes in family roles, planning can help manage the transitions more smoothly. Setting goals or finding new activities that align with personal interests can provide structure and purpose.

Positive Outlook for the Future

With the proper support and strategies, older women with ADHD can manage their symptoms effectively and continue to lead fulfilling lives. Understanding the condition, embracing self-compassion, and seeking appropriate help can significantly affect their well-being.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for ADHD techniques

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a widely used therapeutic approach that can be highly effective for managing ADHD symptoms. While ADHD is often treated with medication, CBT can help individuals develop practical strategies to cope with the cognitive, emotional, and behavioural challenges associated with the condition. Here are some essential CBT techniques tailored for ADHD:

Cognitive Restructuring

• Identifying Negative Thought Patterns: Individuals with ADHD may develop negative beliefs about themselves, such as “I’m lazy” or “I’ll never get anything right.” Cognitive restructuring involves identifying these negative thoughts.
• Challenging and Replacing Thoughts: Once negative thoughts are identified, the next step is to challenge their validity and replace them with more positive, realistic alternatives. For example, replacing “I’m lazy” with “I have trouble with organisation, but I’m working on it.”

Behavioural Activation

• Breaking Tasks into Smaller Steps: ADHD can make large tasks feel overwhelming. Behavioural activation involves breaking down tasks into smaller, manageable steps to reduce feeling overwhelmed and increase the likelihood of completion.
• Rewarding Progress: Setting up a reward system for completing steps can motivate individuals with ADHD. Even small rewards can help reinforce positive behaviour and create a sense of accomplishment.

Time Management Skills

• Creating a Daily Schedule: Developing a structured daily routine can help manage time effectively. This includes setting specific tasks, breaks, meals, and relaxation times.
• Using Timers and Alarms: Timers can help track time spent on tasks, reminding the individual to take breaks or move on to the next activity. Alarms can be set to remind the individual throughout the day to stay on track.

Organisational Strategies

• Decluttering and Simplifying: Simplifying living and workspaces by decluttering can reduce distractions and make it easier to focus on tasks. Organisational tools like labelled bins, colour-coded files, and checklists can also be helpful.
• Using Planners and Apps: Planners, calendars, and digital apps can be used to keep track of tasks, appointments, and deadlines. These tools help externalise memory, reducing the cognitive load on the brain.

Problem-Solving Techniques

• Identifying the Problem: For individuals with ADHD, it can be challenging to recognise the root of a problem. CBT teaches techniques to identify the issue at hand.
• Brainstorming Solutions: Once a problem is identified, brainstorming multiple solutions allows for a range of options to choose from. This process encourages creativity and reduces the feeling of being stuck.
• Evaluating and Implementing Solutions: After considering the pros and cons of each solution, the next step is to select and implement the most viable option. This is followed by evaluating its effectiveness and making adjustments if necessary.

Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

• Mindfulness Practices: Mindfulness involves staying present and fully engaged in the current moment. Techniques like deep breathing, guided meditation, and body scans can help improve focus and reduce impulsivity.
• Relaxation Exercises: Relaxation exercises, such as progressive muscle relaxation or deep breathing, can help manage stress and anxiety, which often exacerbate ADHD symptoms.

Impulse Control Techniques

• Pause and Reflect: CBT teaches individuals to pause before acting impulsively. This brief reflection can help them consider the consequences of their actions.
• Distraction Techniques: When impulsive urges arise, distraction techniques like counting backward, engaging in a quick physical activity, or focusing on a different task can help manage impulsive behaviour.

Self-Monitoring

• Tracking Behavior and Thoughts: Self-monitoring involves keeping a journal or log of thoughts, behaviours, and emotions. This helps individuals become more aware of patterns and triggers that exacerbate ADHD symptoms.
• Reviewing Progress: Regularly reviewing self-monitoring logs with a therapist or on one’s own can provide insights into what strategies are working and where adjustments are needed.

Improving Social Skills

• Role-Playing Social Situations: CBT often involves role-playing to practice social interactions and improve communication skills. This can be particularly helpful for managing ADHD-related social challenges.
• Building Empathy and Perspective-Taking: Learning to see situations from others’ perspectives can enhance relationships and reduce conflicts.

Developing Coping Strategies for Emotional Regulation

• Recognising Emotional Triggers: CBT helps individuals identify situations or thoughts that trigger strong emotional reactions, such as frustration or anger.
• Practising Calm Responses: Techniques like deep breathing, counting to ten, or positive self-talk can help manage emotions more effectively.

Conclusion

CBT for ADHD is a highly individualised approach that focuses on practical skills and strategies to help manage symptoms. It empowers individuals to take control of their lives by changing thought patterns, improving behaviours, and developing coping mechanisms that work for them. Working with a trained CBT therapist can help tailor these techniques to address specific challenges and goals.

Our Superpowers

Women with ADHD often possess unique strengths and abilities that can be viewed as “superpowers.” When recognised and nurtured, these qualities can help them excel in various aspects of life. Here are some of the superpowers commonly associated with women who have ADHD:

Creativity

• Outside-the-Box Thinking: Women with ADHD often have a natural ability to think creatively and approach problems from unique angles. Their minds can make connections others might not see, leading to innovative solutions and original ideas.
• Artistic Talent: Many women with ADHD excel in creative fields like art, music, writing, or design. Their vivid imagination and visual ability can lead to powerful artistic expressions.

Hyperfocus

• Intense Concentration: When deeply interested in a task, women with ADHD can enter a state of hyperfocus, where they become completely absorbed and productive. This ability to concentrate intensely can lead to exceptional achievements in areas they are passionate about.
• Mastering Skills: Hyperfocus can allow them to master complex skills or knowledge quickly, making them experts in their chosen fields.

Empathy and Sensitivity

• Deep Emotional Understanding: Women with ADHD often have a heightened sensitivity to the emotions of others. This deep empathy allows them to connect with people on a profound level, offering support and understanding when it’s needed most.
• Strong Intuition: Their sensitivity can also translate into strong intuition, allowing them to sense and respond to the needs and feelings of those around them, often before others do.

Adaptability

• Quick Thinking: Women with ADHD are often excellent at thinking on their feet. They can adapt to new situations, change plans quickly, and come up with solutions in the moment, making them resourceful in fast-paced environments.
• Resilience: Their ability to adapt also fosters resilience. They often find ways to bounce back from setbacks, learn from challenges and move forward with renewed determination.

High Energy and Enthusiasm

• Dynamic Energy: Many women with ADHD have a high level of energy, which can be channelled into various activities and projects. This enthusiasm can be contagious, motivating and inspiring those around them.
• Passion-Driven: When engaged in something they care about, their energy can drive them to achieve great things, often going above and beyond what’s expected.

Curiosity and Love of Learning

• Constantly Seeking Knowledge: Women with ADHD are often lifelong learners, driven by curiosity and a desire to explore new ideas and experiences. Their inquisitiveness can lead them to discover new interests and areas of expertise.
• Diverse Interests: Their curiosity often spans a wide range of topics, giving them a broad knowledge base and the ability to creatively connect different fields of knowledge.

Multitasking Ability

• Handling Multiple Projects: While multitasking can sometimes be challenging, many women with ADHD can juggle several projects simultaneously, especially when motivated by interest or passion.
• Diverse Skill Set: Their ability to switch between tasks and interests often results in diverse skills and experiences, making them versatile and capable in various roles.

Spontaneity and Adventurous Spirit

• Embracing New Experiences: Women with ADHD often have a spontaneous and adventurous spirit, leading them to seek new experiences and challenges. This can result in a life filled with exciting opportunities and personal growth.
• Living in the Moment: Their spontaneous nature allows them to fully enjoy the present moment, often bringing joy and excitement to those around them.

Problem-Solving Skills

• Creative Solutions: Their ability to think differently often makes women with ADHD excellent problem-solvers. They can develop creative solutions to complex problems, especially when conventional methods fall short.
• Persistence: Even when faced with obstacles, they often show determination and persistence, continually finding new ways to approach and solve problems.

Connection and Collaboration

• Building Strong Relationships: Their empathy and understanding often make them natural connectors, building solid and meaningful relationships in personal and professional settings.
• Team Player: Women with ADHD often excel in collaborative environments, where their enthusiasm, creativity, and ability to connect with others can lead to successful teamwork.

Harnessing These Superpowers

Recognising these superpowers can help women with ADHD embrace their strengths and use them to their advantage. By focusing on what they excel at and finding environments that allow these traits to shine, women with ADHD can lead fulfilling and successful lives.

These superpowers are about overcoming challenges and celebrating the unique qualities that make women with ADHD exceptional.