Have you heard of archetypes? Female archetype inner critics often carry messages tied to societal expectations, cultural norms, and gender-specific pressures. These archetypes can reflect women’s unique challenges, such as perfectionism, people-pleasing, and balancing multiple roles. Check out some Leadership archetypes below, too.
Here are some common female inner critic archetypes and ways to overcome them:
Table of Contents:
1. The Good Girl
- Focus: Driven by a need to be liked, to avoid conflict, and to seek approval by always being kind, agreeable, and compliant.
- Voice: “Don’t make waves,” “Be nice, don’t upset anyone,” “What will they think?”
- Impact: Causes women to prioritize others’ needs over their own, leading to resentment and suppression of authentic expression.
- Overcoming: Practice setting boundaries and expressing your needs, even if it means saying no. Embrace your voice and the value of speaking your truth, even if it causes discomfort to others.
- Affirmation: “I am worthy of expressing my needs and standing in my truth.”
2. The Superwoman
- Focus: Feels responsible for doing everything perfectly and managing multiple roles—career, family, and relationships—without breaking a sweat.
- Voice: “You have to do it all,” “You can’t let anyone down,” “If you don’t do it, it won’t get done right.”
- Impact: This leads to burnout, exhaustion, and an inability to ask for help or delegate, coupled with feelings of failure when falling short.
- Overcoming: Delegate tasks and recognise that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Let go of “having it all” and embrace imperfection.
- Affirmation: “I deserve support, and I release the need to do everything myself.”
3. The Pleaser
- Focus: Always putting others first, driven by a deep need to be liked, accepted, and never be seen as selfish.
- Voice: “Don’t be selfish,” “You should make sure everyone is happy,” “What if they don’t like you?”
- Impact: It leads to self-sacrifice, over-commitment, and the erosion of personal boundaries, resulting in frustration and diminished self-worth.
- Overcoming: Practice saying no and prioritizing your well-being without feeling guilty. Understand that being liked by everyone is impossible and does not define your worth.
- Affirmation: “I am valuable, even when prioritising my needs.”
4. The Martyr
- Focus: Sacrifices personal well-being for the sake of others, often believing that suffering is a sign of virtue or love.
- Voice: “You should put others first,” “If you care, you’ll sacrifice,” “Your needs don’t matter as much as theirs.”
- Impact: This leads to chronic overextension, neglect of self-care, and eventually resentment toward those being cared for.
- Overcoming: Reclaim your right to self-care and recognise that nurturing yourself allows you to better support others. Balance giving with receiving and acknowledge that your needs are as important as those you care for.
- Affirmation: “I honour myself by caring for my needs first.”
5. The Queen Bee
- Focus: Feels a need to be in control and perfect at all times, often driven by fear of being outshone or threatened by other women.
- Voice: “You must be better than them,” “Don’t let anyone take your place,” “You’re not enough unless you’re the best.”
- Impact: Creates competition, distrust, and isolation from potential allies, especially among women.
- Overcoming: Shift from competition to collaboration, recognizing that other women’s success does not diminish your own. Celebrate the achievements of others and build mutually supportive relationships.
- Affirmation: “There is room for all women to thrive, and I rise by lifting others.”
6. The Imposter
- Focus: Feels inadequate despite success, convinced that any achievements are a fluke and that she’ll be exposed as a fraud.
- Voice: “You don’t belong here,” “They’ll find out you’re not qualified,” “You’re just pretending.”
- Impact: Prevents women from recognizing their value, leads to overworking to prove worth, and creates fear of failure or exposure.
- Overcoming: Acknowledge your accomplishments and the skills and efforts that led you there. Reframe failure as a learning opportunity rather than a reflection of worth.
- Affirmation: “I am worthy of my success, and I confidently embrace my achievements.”
7. The Criticiser
- Focus: Hyper-critical of physical appearance, often reinforcing unrealistic beauty standards and societal expectations of femininity.
- Voice: “You’re not thin enough,” “You don’t look young anymore,” “You’re not attractive.”
- Impact: This leads to negative body image, low self-esteem, and constant comparison to others, often causing anxiety around aging or beauty.
- Overcoming: Practice body positivity by focusing on what your body allows you to do rather than how it looks. Reject societal pressures and embrace self-acceptance, celebrating your uniqueness.
- Affirmation: “I love and accept my body, just as it is.”
8. The Caretaker
- Focus: Feels obligated to care for everyone around her, often taking on the emotional labour for family, friends, or colleagues.
- Voice: “You’re responsible for everyone’s well-being,” “You can’t let anyone down,” “What if they need you?”
- Impact: Causes emotional exhaustion, as the constant caretaking leaves little energy for self-care or personal pursuits.
- Overcoming: Set emotional boundaries and allow others to take responsibility for their well-being. Practice self-care without guilt and remind yourself that you are not solely responsible for others’ happiness.
- Affirmation: “I am not responsible for others’ emotions, and I deserve to care for myself.”
General Strategies to Overcome Female Inner Critic Archetypes:
- Reframe Negative Narratives Replace self-critical thoughts with affirming ones that reflect your true value and worth.
- Cultivate Self-Compassion. Practice treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a close friend.
- Challenge Societal Expectations Recognize and reject unrealistic gender roles and societal pressures that fuel the inner critic.
- Build a Support Network Surround yourself with people who uplift you and help you see your strengths rather than reinforcing the inner critic’s messages.
- Embrace Authenticity Shift from trying to meet others’ expectations to honouring your values, desires, and unique path.
Guess what! I was the Pleaser and Sometimes even the Queen Bee
As a former pleaser and occasional queen bee, I focussed on building self-affirmation, setting healthy boundaries, and shifting from competition to collaboration.
Here are a couple of specific strategies for both archetypes:
For the Pleaser:
- Set Boundaries with Confidence: Practice saying no when needed, and remember that taking care of your needs is not selfish but essential.
- Internal Validation: Seek approval from within rather than from external sources. Remind yourself that you don’t need to please everyone to be worthy.
For the Queen Bee:
- Collaboration Over Competition: Focus on building relationships based on support and trust with others, especially women. Recognise that others’ success does not diminish your own.
- Celebrate Others’ Wins: Actively seek opportunities to praise and uplift others. This mindset can dissolve any lingering competitive edge.