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Regret, Love of My Life, and a Jigsaw

I have this divine vintage jigsaw. I want to send it to the love of my life with a letter telling him just how I still feel. However, today, I decided I needed to keep it. Why? What would you do after reading this story?

I don’t believe in a life of regrets and beating myself up for wrong choices. Everything is meant to be the way it is meant to be. However, tomorrow I turn 53, and yikes! Where did the time go? I remember being 43, 33, 23, and 13, like yesterday.

Remember being 13? Being a nerd at school at the time was not much fun however now I love being a leadership dork. I was the brainy and awkward kid everyone teased and hung out with the kids at the library playing Dungeons and Dragons. They even had a song for me called Sonia Sonia Study Head! There I saw him, this boy who was so cute. He was new to the school, and he loved basketball. He soon became the popular boy at school. This could be one of those romantic comedy movies where a popular boy meets a dork girl and forms a great friendship. I utterly loved this guy. All the popular girls at school would want to be friends with me so I could give him a good word.

We were so close that we would hang out all the time. My parents loved him, and vice versa. Then, after school, our lives took different paths.

Then, one day, I popped into him at university, and we reconnected. It was wonderful. It evolved into something else, but it didn’t work out. Looking back at the time, we were meant to be together, but we were too young. We weren’t ready for each other. We stayed best friends.

Then, I was told I had a condition that would make it very challenging to have children. I was devastated and 23. I absolutely wanted children. I decided my life needed to take a different path.

I moved to London to work at 27, and we wrote to each other. I missed him dearly and decided to move home to tell him that I still loved him. He was involved with someone else, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him. I wish I had been more courageous.

I eventually met someone else and got married. I also had the child of my dreams, a darling little girl. She was a miracle. He was never far from my thoughts, though, and I was thrilled to see and hear that he was happy.

Then, my world fell apart at 33, and I contacted him for support. I became a full-time, solo mum and was left alone in a foreign country. I called him absolutely heartbroken. He was there to support me. He always is.

However, he has a different life now. So do I. My life today is not what I expected nor where I thought I would be. I am 53 tomorrow, but my life is exactly where I have to be, and I love every moment of it today. Life is passing by so fast. My impact, leadership, kindness, and courage are everything to me.

There is so much more to this beautiful story, and it could be my next book, as so many people, including my daughter, who is now 23, tell me to write about it.

In the past week, I have been visiting my dying mother in hospital, and it has been so incredibly hard (actually beyond heartbreaking). We laugh about my past and how I was a cheeky handful as a child. I said to her that he had sent her his love and hugs. She smiled and said he was her favourite. I said we joked about how fast life has become and how I just want a shed so I can just paint, and he replied I want a shed to do my jigsaws. With a few beers, of course. I told her about the jigsaw. Hence the jigsaw.

What would you do? Would you send it?

I don’t want to have regrets; however, I want to live my life doing the right thing. I want courage and kindness. He knows he will always be the love of my life. Today, the love of my life is me and also my daughter.

I often reflect on my life, and after reading Dan Pink’s book Power of Regret (more below), I know how looking backward moves us forward!

What is Regret?

Regret is a common human emotion, and while it’s natural to feel regret from time to time, how you deal with it can significantly impact your overall well-being and personal growth. Here are some perspectives on dealing with regret:

  1. Learning from Mistakes: Regret can be a valuable teacher. Reflecting on past actions and their consequences can help you make better decisions in the future.
  2. Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, and treating yourself with the compassion you would offer a friend in a similar situation is essential.
  3. Taking Responsibility: Acknowledging your role in what happened can be empowering. It allows you to take control and make amends if necessary.
  4. Growth Mindset: Viewing regret as an opportunity for growth can transform a negative experience into a positive one. It helps you focus on improving rather than dwelling on what went wrong.
  5. Acceptance: It is crucial to accept that the past cannot be changed. Focus on what you can control—your present actions and future choices.
  6. Forgiveness: Forgiving yourself and others can release you from regret and allow you to move forward with a lighter heart.

While having regrets is natural, using them constructively rather than letting them hinder your progress is essential. How do you usually handle feelings of regret?


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Dan Pink – Power of Regret

In his book The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward, Dan Pink explores the idea that regret is a crucial part of the human experience and can be a powerful tool for personal growth and development. Here are some key points from his perspective on why regrets are essential:

  1. Learning from Mistakes: Regrets provide valuable feedback about our past decisions and actions. They help us understand what went wrong and why, offering lessons to guide our behaviour.
  2. Clarifying Values: Regrets often highlight what truly matters to us. When we feel regret, it usually indicates that something important to us is at stake, helping us to better understand and prioritise our core values.
  3. Motivation for Improvement: The discomfort of regret can motivate us to make positive life changes. It pushes us to improve ourselves, our relationships, and our circumstances.
  4. Connecting with Others: Sharing our regrets can foster empathy and connection. It reminds us that we are not alone in our experiences and that others have faced similar challenges and emotions.
  5. Enhancing Decision-Making: Reflecting on past regrets can improve our decision-making skills. By understanding the factors that led to previous mistakes, we can make more informed and thoughtful choices in the future.
  6. Building Resilience: Dealing with regret helps build emotional resilience. It teaches us how to cope with negative emotions and bounce back from setbacks, making us more robust and adaptable.

Dan Pink’s research emphasises that embracing and learning from regret can lead to greater personal fulfilment and success rather than avoiding or suppressing regret.

 

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